Thinking Ahead...Lots of Anxiety

I have this problem with skipping too far ahead in my mind…  How can I plan, be cautious and be prepared, without it becoming fear, anxiety, panic, and worry?  Hmm…how am I supposed to learn from past experience?  Especially when I can’t change others, but I need to rely on others for help?  It’s confusing.

When we lived in the apartment, every single time I contacted the leasing office to have maintenance come and fix something, they never passed along the information.  For eight long years!

But if my husband called or went in, they told maintenance right away.  So sometimes I had to figure out a way to get by without using the toilet for half the day because it was broken and maintenance didn’t know to come.  I think I went out or went to the fitness center at the leasing office to use the bathroom there.  Other times the air conditioner was broken or the furnace was broken, and no one came.  When my husband contacted them, someone finally visited our apartment, but it was always too late in the day for them to do anything (lazy) or they didn’t know how to fix it (stupid).

Sometimes my husband would just tolerate some of the apartment issues and not contact the leasing office, because he knew they wouldn’t bother if I tried.  Very controlling.

I read some reviews of the apartment complex online once and a couple of other residents said they were racist at the leasing office.  I wonder if that’s true.  I guess it makes sense.  If they think I’m not a person like them, a human being, well, then they’ll treat me like I don’t deserve to have a working toilet, or heat, or cool air, or a working faucet, etc.  I don’t think they acted like they deserve to be treated as human beings.

I’m thinking…if I had to live on my own in an apartment once more…what if this happens again?  Hmm…not good.

Our master bathroom has been torn down because the shower was leaking since Nov 2012.  It’s now Feb 2013.  Still not fixed.  But my husband keeps talking about how he’ll do it, he’s figuring something out with the wall or something…I don’t know, I can’t pay attention to him sometimes when he talks.

The brake pads, the front or the rear (I forget which), on my car need to be replaced.  It’s been a few months.  My husband says he’ll finally take it in tomorrow to get them replaced.  I’ve been uneasy driving that thing around, but he said it was safe…

I think if I lived on my own, I wouldn’t have a car.  They’re just too much trouble.  More trouble than they’re worth.  But public transportation causes a great deal of anxiety for me.

Oh boy…lots to think about.

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