DSM-V, Big Pharma, and My Life Update
Posted: May 13, 2013 Filed under: WTF?! | Tags: Big Pharma, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, DSM-5, dsm-v, Mental health, mental illness, psychiatrists, psychiatry, psychotropic medication, psychotropics 2 Comments »The government mental health group National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) is ditching the DSM-V. They are canceling its subscription saying that, “Patients with mental disorders deserve better” because it lacks validity.
Gary Schwitzer writes that being human is itself fast becoming a condition. He links to a very moving article entitled “Diagnosis: Human.” He goes on to provide an excerpt of the article, italicized and bold-faced the following statement from the article:
“Ours is an age in which the airwaves and media are one large drug emporium that claims to fix everything from sleep to sex. I fear that being human is itself fast becoming a condition.”
While treatment might be made more available with the updates to this manual, others argue this will only fuel Big Pharma to over prescribe. UBC law professor Joel Bakan brings up a staggering statistic in this article saying, “69 percent of the DSM-5 task force members reported having ties to the pharmaceutical industry.”
Doctors are paid by pharmaceutical companies or they have stock holdings. And with the pharmaceutical industry’s involvement in the DSM-V, pharmacological treatment is the first-line intervention.
Just a quick look at some of these new disorders shows how health professionals will have a greater tendency to over diagnose their patients. Because diagnostic criteria is lowered, it takes fewer symptoms to meet the criteria for a diagnosis. Over diagnosis leads to over prescribing for children and adults.
Here’s a ridiculous diagnosis: if you grieve over the death of a loved one for longer than two weeks, you could potentially get a depressive diagnosis. Everyone grieves differently. Not everyone deals with grief within the same time frame. It is natural to get upset over the loss of someone you love for longer than two weeks. What if you lost a parent or spouse? Or your child? How could you not grieve for longer than two weeks?
Most practitioners prescribing psychotropics are general practitioners not psychiatrists. 80% of those prescribing. They aren’t properly trained.
What about Asperger’s syndrome no longer listed as a separate disorder from autism? It will no longer be distinguished from the spectrum of autism disorders. This could lead to even less understanding and compassion. This could affect advice, support, and treatment for those who need help.
In 2012, the top 11 global drug companies made nearly $85 billion in net profits. Expensive life saving drugs are bankrupting Americans. Hartmann also reports:
One study, by the group Families USA, found that America’s major drug companies are spending more than twice as much on marketing, advertising and administration than they do on research and development.
This article also talks about the giant pushback against astronomical drug prices. We The People vs. The Pharmaceutical Industry indeed…
Well, overall, I’m hanging in there. Just about every month is difficult for me considering my issues with marriage and in-laws. But this month is especially difficult because of Mother’s Day, my SIL’s birthday, and her youngest son’s birthday. I found out the other day my husband told his mother we’re having marital issues. This caused a great deal of distress for me in so many ways. On the plus side, he is not going to visit them as often, and he promises to work on our marriage…
I’m doing my best to take care of myself and distract myself. I find myself losing steam some days and slipping in the areas of eating healthy, exercising, and meditating. But I’m working very hard to get back on track.
I also managed to write some more in my novel, write some more poetry (I submitted three poems to another literary magazine), and I wrote a very short story that I submitted to a different literary magazine.
Some Photos
Posted: May 8, 2013 Filed under: The Pursuit of Happiness | Tags: Anxiety, Depression, hobbies, hobby, nature, photo, photography, photos, Photoshop, picture 6 Comments »I’m mostly up and down lately with the usual stuff, some minor differences. I don’t want to sound so repetitive. Just some crying spells and crankiness on these days. But I’m taking care of myself and distracting myself, too. So I feel good at times and enjoy the things I like.
It does make me happy to see how much interest and interaction I get on my blog, more so than I’ve ever had on Facebook or MySpace. It seems that when I can truly be myself, people can see how wonderful I am. I am thrilled to be me.
Here are some photos I took within the past few weeks. These are more photos of the things around me.
Just try to see in the dark, just try to make it work, to feel the fear before you’re here.
Posted: May 3, 2013 Filed under: Reading and Writing | Tags: Anxiety, close to me, Creative writing, Depression, Literary magazine, Publishing, reading, The Cure, writers, writing 4 Comments »It is Friday, but every day is pretty much the same for me. So instead of the great “Friday I’m In Love” song by The Cure, I thought you would like “Close to Me” instead. I absolutely love this song. I think it’s a wonderful song about feeling so much anxiety.
Well, the anxiety and depression are still keeping me company on such a bright day. Sometimes these things immobilize me so some of the series I start on my blog go unfinished and I can’t get back to them right away. I do plan on adding to them when I feel well enough.
This is a reason why I have trouble finishing some things. That friend I correspond with told me he has a healthy respect for me for writing one book so far. He works in the publishing industry and tells me that writers are the ones who finish. Even though I feel like the first book is not ready for a rewrite, I am hopeful I can finish writing my second novel soon.
I am affected by the seasons. I’m sure I suffer from seasonal affective disorder. And the nighttime does something to me as well. But I hope this great change in nicer weather will bring something good for me. Overall, I think I’m improving, and I hope it continues. I’m enjoying reading shorter things for now. I’m also writing shorter things, too.
One thing I’ve always noticed with literary magazines is some writers come across as boring and pretentious, but they still get published. Some people are just snobs. I don’t care much for that elitist crap. These people lack imagination. What a waste of “intelligence.”
Anyway, I hope you have a fun end to your week and an exciting weekend ahead.
Avoidant, a Friend, and Having Children
Posted: May 2, 2013 Filed under: Family, Sex, Love, and Marriage | Tags: Anxiety, children, girlfriend, Marriage, motherhood, Sexual abuse, therapy, trauma 2 Comments »I’m feeling better now, so I think I’ll write something about what’s been happening.
I asked my therapist about a possible plan for more concrete goals. I also told her I was upset with her for not trying to talk with me about my past sexual history. I cried a lot during session. I was really emotional. She apologized for not explaining things to me properly. She didn’t want to dig up my past and then just leave for three weeks. She also wanted to check in to make sure my symptoms weren’t worsening. She said I’m not in a place where I can handle that much structure and I seem to benefit more from just talking for now.
It seems I keep finding reasons not to bring up past trauma. So I avoid talking about it in therapy by using excuses about her. I also have an issue with transference. Her outgoing nature reminds me of past bullies–especially one bully I dealt with in the workplace for a very long year when I was 20 years old.
I withhold from all people in my life. I’m ashamed. I get the impression that people suffer from abuse through no fault of their own. I’m the only person in the world who has difficult stories about my sexual past because of my own doing. Because it was a boyfriend I wanted to be with or a guy I liked or I just put myself in a situation where I became vulnerable. Like it’s my fault entirely so I deserve it. So I never tell anyone anything. Not everything. My husband is the only person who knows the most, and I’ve only told him a tiny bit of it.
This morning he said that it doesn’t matter if something happened with a boyfriend, or whatever they were, it wasn’t right. He even said to me, “I’m your husband. But I didn’t have the right to hit you.”
I don’t know what to call what’s been going on with me mentally off and on for the past few days, too. I think it’s more anxiety and not the start of psychosis. I get different things confused sometimes. So I end up taking breaks and lying down. Or I try to keep myself busy around the house. I still managed to read a few pages or write a few lines or paragraphs, but I haven’t finished anything except for some poetry.
I decided to write that friend back from nursing school I mentioned before. When I started the nursing program I didn’t want to make friends with anyone. I noticed she kept sitting right next to me when I got to class first. One day I went out for a cigarette and she followed me out. But she didn’t smoke, not for years. She pursued a friendship with me. She was very persistent.
She was very kind when I had the psychotic episode. It was the start of the episode and we were trying to work on our project in the student lounge outside of the library. It was too noisy. She could tell I felt overstimulated, so she suggested to the group we move into the library to finish.
She’s the only friend who knows about my issues with psychosis and has been so good about it. She and I are very similar, too. We have a troubled past. She’s half Chinese and struggled with fitting in. Drug use and cutting were problems for her, too. Along with the comments about weight gain, I had trouble with how competitive she was in class. Sometimes she seemed surprised if I scored higher than her on a project or test. But she’s probably the only person I know who’s so much like me; we’re both attractive and intelligent with a sexual past that haunts us. Well, she’s more emotionally stable than I.
I’m envious of her situation. She still looks so pretty. Her baby girl is beautiful.
One of the many things weighing on me lately is not having children. This heartache has been so unbearable. I have so much love in my heart for these children I see in my mind. If I were to remain childless by circumstance, it would be a loss of ever feeling that life grow inside of me. It would be a loss of giving birth, nurturing, breastfeeding, and watching them grow. It would be a loss of being a mother and becoming a grandmother.
During our talk this morning, my husband also said I need to stop mourning this loss. I need to focus on getting better and he will, too. He promises to protect what we have now, and he’ll continue to do so if we have children.
Maybe in a few years, if I get better, and if my husband really improves, we might be able to stay together and have one or two kids. It’s really just wishful thinking. Nothing’s set in stone. Nothing is ever set in stone.
Mind and Body on Fire
Posted: April 29, 2013 Filed under: Frustration, Reading and Writing, Sex, Love, and Marriage | Tags: allergies, Anxiety, blogging, Depression, Mental health, Stress, therapy 4 Comments »This is more of a report on my progress, or lack thereof, than anything else…
I haven’t been feeling well lately. It’s especially difficult physically, which is also affecting me mentally. There are a number of external stressors causing me a great deal of distress.
I have many allergies, so this spring season is making life very difficult. Along with sinus congestion, constant sneezing, drowsiness, and headaches, I’m feeling disoriented most of the time. I don’t like taking over-the-counter medication, or prescription, so I’m suffering without using allergy medication. I also try to stay out of the sun, but it can’t be avoided completely so I have rashes to deal with too.
My body still aches for some reason, pelvic pain and now a throbbing hip persists, and I’m due for a pelvic ultrasound later today. Aside from the humiliating feeling this procedure evokes, I’m not looking forward to consuming 32 ounces of water prior and not having permission to use the facilities until after it is over. I have a tiny bladder.
On top of the mortification I experienced earlier this month with the character I thought to call my friend and crush (a moment shared during therapy where I thought I saw my therapist smile at my social blunder), I received continued rejection from others in the blogosphere while I purged a bit more about my past. Some people are just not worth knowing, and therefore, are not worth having in my life.
(This paragraph is really more just talking to myself and letting you eavesdrop…) I also feel a little uncomfortable with blogging now. It’s why I’m feeling a little reluctant to blog and interact. This kind of social interaction is affecting my delicate sensitive side; I hope you understand. I’m not looking to surround myself with people who practice selective compassion. I try to weigh the therapeutic benefits of blogging against the damage it brings since people are involved. I have not yet reached a clear conclusion as to which one has a greater impact. I did notice that my readership has changed a bit since I wrote more honestly about my religious beliefs. I can say this, if my candor weeds out disingenuous followers then I’m remaining on the right and true course.
I cancelled the last appointment with my substitute therapist because I thought it was a waste of my time. My current therapist will be back for my Tuesday appointment. I don’t care for our conflicting personalities very much. You see, she’s quite the social butterfly, and I’m the exact opposite. And it’s irritating how she constantly brings up fees. There are fees for everything. The little direction and focus I get from our sessions, I think, are also causing me a great deal of harm. With my disability claim in the process, I don’t feel I have any choice but to wait it out and find another counselor at a later date. I will still bring up the matter during session to see what improvements she and I can make for the time being.
A couple of months ago, when I was struggling with work, my husband told me if I decide to file for disability it would be my admission that I just don’t want to work. Seriously? That’s what he sees? He has since retracted such a callous remark and now supports me in my decision. But this is the nurture I have in my life while I try to get well enough.
Several weeks ago while he was helping me with the taxes, he became angry with me for forgetting to inform him of a change in our mortgage lender or something (I forget the details). It didn’t actually change anything with our account or payments, but he was still angry with me nonetheless. Around this time I was feeling the beginning stage of another psychotic episode, to a lesser degree, and his unwarranted behavior did not help. I did however, manage to avoid the episode again like I have so many times in the last year.
Some time after this incident, I admitted to having thoughts of cutting and even thoughts of suicide–I was desperate to talk with someone, I really have no one else to confide in, and he constantly tells me he loves me and doesn’t want me to leave. His response was unkind. He threatened to have me taken away, locked up, and medicated. He said in his defense we were arguing, and anything he says out of anger should be overlooked.
Sometimes I hate seeing his stupid face.
When he looked into borderline personality disorder (he mentioned the “I hate you–don’t leave me” behavior), he also brought up his interest in reading a book about emotional abuse. But he did preface this with a concern that he might be the emotionally manipulative and abusive one.
We still get along. But his presence does something to me. I’m very sad. I’m also tired. My thoughts are a little disorganized lately, I think a few email replies I made recently were a little sloppy. I hope the recipients get the gist of what I was trying to say.
Even though I’m having these issues and my support system isn’t very good, I’m fighting the stress that’s trying to break me down. I’m struggling more with regular exercise and meditation, but I’m still working on improving it. I’m also trying to keep up with reading and writing away from blogging just to keep my skills up. It’s really difficult mentally, so I’m not doing as well as I would like. But I don’t want to give up. I don’t want to surrender to this hopeless pit of depression I find myself sinking into.
Most days I feel like shit. I haven’t accomplished much in life for someone in her thirties. I’m trying not to dwell on how frustrating my present life is and how bleak my future seems.
Anyway, I apologize for not interacting as much. I always value your thoughts and your writing is definitely worth a read and worth my time.
Well, I’m going to try to nap until my appointment. I hope you have a good day.
May you be well.
Sexy Ugly
Posted: April 27, 2013 Filed under: Why So Serious? | Tags: Bane, Batman, Christian Bale, Dark Knight Rises, entertainment, Kissing Jessica Stein, sexy creepy, sexy ugly, Tom Hardy Leave a comment »There’s this scene in Kissing Jessica Stein where Jessica and Helen are talking about what they find attractive in a guy. Jessica says she’s only into smart and funny, but then they are usually ugly. But Helen says she’s into ugly guys as long as they’re sexy. They’re unattractive, but desirable at the same time. (Their attitude probably plays a big role.) She gives Mick Jagger as an example.
I totally get this. Ever since I saw this movie back in the day, I have a great way to describe someone who isn’t conventionally attractive, but he’s still so damn hot. Sometimes in a freaky way, too.
Take Bane for instance from The Dark Knight Rises (anyone? anyone?). Now I’ve crushed on Batman since I was a young teen. Plus, I went to see the movie for Christian Bale (obviously), but I got another treat, too. Bane’s not just sexy ugly, he’s sexy creepy! I’m like, “This dude might kill me, but I’m gonna stick around and play this thing out. See what happens.”
Bane: The fire rises.
Viola: You’re making the fire rise in me, baby.
Just look at those muscles. And the mask. I know Tom Hardy’s cute underneath that mask, but hot damn! Oh, his voice, too. I haven’t had the time to watch all the special features on Blu-ray (I know, I cannot believe it either!!). But Hardy describes Bane’s accent as a blend of “slightly florid, camp English villain,” “off-center,” and “original Latin…sort of Romany Gypsy.” Oy boy, he sure nailed me. I mean it.
His performance as Bane, as Gotham’s Reckoning, is stunning. I usually go for the superheroes, you know, but sometimes a villain comes along and just rubs me the right way. *wink*
The Joker did the same. Let’s see…Sylar from Heroes (but I didn’t watch beyond a few episodes into the second season), Danny from The Believer (well, he turned out to be a pretty decent guy in the end, and Ryan Gosling is not ugly in this film, but I have to mention him anyway), ooh–ooh Mitch Leary in In the Line of Fire (we’re back on track now), Derek in American History X (a little off track again), Anton from No Country for Old Men, and, of course, Dr. Hannibal Lecter from The Silence of the Lambs.
The urban dictionary lists Adrien Brody, but he’s sexy, not ugly (I’m totally biased, haha). Some celebrities who are sexy ugly are Willem Dafoe, Steve Buscemi, Daniel Craig, Toni Collette, Hilary Swank (maybe, although I find her pretty in a tomboyish sort of way), Seth Green, and Vincent Cassel!!
Which celebrities or fictional characters do you think are sexy ugly? I would love to know.
